This is the beginning of my story, describing my journey in counselling in year 2013, starting March ’13 and ended November ’13.
That is a 9 months long journey, haha, me giggling here, because it is the same number of months for pregnancy lol.
Towards the end of year 2012, I was in my final year of high school / secondary school (as we call it here). It was an important year as I was going to take my public examination at the end of the year. We call it a “Passport” to anywhere you want to go. High school certificate was the requirement for any job out there that does not need much qualification beyond that level.
– The trial exams
Put it in simple terms, I screwed up the exams. I was in the best class in the whole form. I was in Science stream, aspiring to become a doctor. I was panicking throughout the examinations, I remember clearly, I couldn’t handle my most confident subject, English. Now, recollecting the memories, I feel the anxiety. I was in a mess.
– Doctor’s visit
I was going crazy. I was (still sorta am) a perfectionist. I was very very anxious, I couldn’t really handle the emotions, needless to say the exams. It was horrendous. I got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked my parents to bring me to a doctor, someone, whoever, who can help me get better.
– GP’s office
Initially, my parents were considering to bring me to my younger sister’s school counselor, but somehow it was a Sunday. And I didn’t want to do anything… So, my dad was searching online, desperately finding any GPs who work on Sundays. Finally he found one. We went. And I recalled, I was crying and crying in the lady doc’s office, telling her how I screwed every single test, I couldn’t study or remember anything I read etc. She then gave my parents a card, referring me to a psychiatrist.
– Pdoc’s office
I went to visit this Pdoc (slang for psychiatrist). He was friendly. But after my complaint about how crazy I was during the exams, he insisted that I take medications. And so I did. It was May 16, 2012.
I remembered how apo-lorazepam calmed me down instantly and miraculously. Then came in Lexapro into my system for the first time. It didn’t work. Pdoc suggested a change in medication, saying that it takes a few tries to find a right one. Next was Cymbalta for my depression & anxiety and Ritalin for my focus and concentration.
The Pdoc therapy / med consulting sessions were always pretty long. I appreciated that he’d spend a lot of time with his patients.
– The turning point for the worse
The medications was working, but not as well as I wanted them to. I emailed Pdoc saying I feel better off without the meds. And I have stop taking them, only taking them whenever I feel like it. He replied saying I should not stop the meds as the good effect will be lost. I didn’t like him. I then terminated treatment hence stop taking the meds.
– The research
Because this Pdoc didn’t tell me anything about what’s wrong with me, or how can I help myself etc.. He practically sighed most of the session too. Hence, I began my extensive research on mental disorders, then it went to psychiatric drugs, then Psychiatry and Psychology specifically on therapies. During those months, those were my only reading materials and the only subjects that interest me.
– Life turning out well
I went for Pdoc visit from May to July. Since then, I joined a cell group at church and had many friends there. I felt loved for the first time. At church, I felt peace and comfort. God saved me. I was healed.