What’s with my blog design??
Some may wonder..
I don’t know if you do,
But I always did.
My blog design is simply just plain
One colour, how boring..
Well, in my other public blog which I blog under my real name
It’s colourful, joyful and just full of live!!
I often wonder,
Am I just lazy to experiment some design?
Or is this how my blog should be like?
Then I thought,
The only reason for my plain, boring, one-colour-only blog
Is simply because I just want to
pour all the
struggles . disappointment . hardship . sucks to the core stuff in here.
It’s a reflection of the difficult and the less difficult days of my life.
And not to forget,
This blog has no intention to attract many visitors
It’s just written to vent, rant amongst all aims
Whoever who happen to drop by,
Thank you .. and I hope you find some encouragement here
If you are facing (I wouldn’t say suffering) something similar to mine
And if you are not,
I hope you are at least aware that there are many people in this world
who are having emotional and / or mental problems
and know that they are not insane, out of their minds or violent in any way
They are not facing what they are facing due to a spiritual impairment or sin
or is it a result of karma.
We have different beliefs, spiritual beliefs,
But it doesn’t matter
As I recalled I used to be thinking over and over (called ruminating)
About the illness / condition I have
May it be my depression 2 years back
Or my bipolar currently
But now, as my mood is more stable
I realize (a deep realization) that
Fuck it! It doesn’t matter!
For it’s not our obligation to tell other people..
Our coworkers / colleagues, employers, friends, relatives, or family members
About our condition.. our mental illness, our label(s)
It is not a must
If you or I do not feel comfortable doing that
It’s your problem / illness / difficulty / condition
It does not require someone else to know it,
For what they can do (if they can empathise)
is just to support.
We all have something amazing called RESILIENCE
As long we have a strong resiliency
It is being strong
Telling yourself ..
It’s okay if you messed up,
It’s okay if you are feeling depressed now,
for many hours, and unable to get out from that state.
It’s okay if you fail a subject at university
It’s okay if you feel suicidal at this point
It’s okay if you have been abused / raped / bullied (well it’s not okay)
But whatever it is
If you don’t let it go and move on,
wouldn’t you be stuck in the past, sucked into it, really deep, like a black hole.
It may take time to heal from hurts, it’s okay, you must tell yourself
for in this journey of life,
it’s like a cycle
we are bound to have difficulties along the way
struggles and conflicts (may it be internal or external)
and we will bounce back from adversities,
as long we envision ourselves to get better, have a more balanced life
whatever the wish of yours may be.
remind yourself of what you truly want in your life
I believe many want happiness,
Sometimes, life can be super mean to some of us
Once, I even thought of doing drugs because I was just so depressed,
and nothing, literally nothing can pull me out from it
of course at that time I was being secretive about my condition
But know that psychedelic drugs can only give you what they call
the happiness that come from it does not last long
it will be very quick before you notice, you’re hooked
it’s similar to being chased by loan sharks,
it becomes a life of never-ending cycle
of getting high, crashed, needing drugs,
then you’ll do anything to get the money to buy them
Undeniably, many crazy thoughts run through my mind everyday
some may be something like
How will I feel when I just run to the middle of the highway?
How does being crushed (literally) feel like? Does it help me escape the reality?
Does it help me finally escape difficulties?
Well, the above is just one of the examples
Just to sum it all,
The only way to cope with symptoms of mental illness(es)
FIRST: Don’t go and care about the ‘BS’ DSM label (they don’t matter)
you know what you’re facing / going through
SECOND: Tell yourself to keep hanging on HoPE!!
you have hope as long as you live on!
THIRD: Give thanks for everyday you live and try to live a balanced Life.
- social life
- family life
- interests / hobbies
- work / academics and
- exercise, have a balanced & nutritious diet
I was told the last one (balanced life) by a counselor that I saw a few weeks back.
At that moment, I realize that that didn’t even cross my mind
for I was just “enjoying” and “cramming” my time with Work, Work and Work
voluntary work, academics, internship, many extra classes (music, make up, movies) and part time job
I forgot that I needed exercise, social interaction and to be close with my family.
Everything I did was on my own
and that’s it!
I fear interaction because I suspect that other people have ulterior motives
they will hurt me and harm me (physically / emotionally)
these are just a small part of what I deal with
I do hope this piece is helpful to you and speaks some truth of what people with mental illness face.
Till the next time