Venting out some struggles

I just came back from a short trip in Phuket, Thailand.  It was a great trip with pretty decent massages fr the Thai.

Today I decide to talk more of my feelings towards my psychiatric treatment.

My last part of my Journey in Therapy is still under construction so be patient.

It’s been 3 months of my visits to my Pdoc.  Honestly I don’t know what’s my diagnosis. Sometimes, I don’t bother knowing as I feel I know what I’m having difficulties with hence having a diagnosis doesn’t really make a difference.  But at this point, I feel the Urgent need to know what the heck I’m going through!

at first, I managed to ask my Pdoc about what are the probable diagnosis/ses. He told me it may be Depression, Bipolar II or BPD.

i thought I would get an answer fr him shortly after that particular session,but unfortunately I didn’t.

I have had 5 appointments with him so far, and already spent 1500+ on medical & consultation fees.

The worst thing is as I just told him in our last session that I was REALLY feeling better, I wanted to taper off the meds and he told me that even so I need to be on them for at least 1/2 a year to 1 year as maintainence treatment.

Sigh.. I realized these few days where I was in Phuket, I find my temper was out of my control. I get heated up easily and I tend to shout at my family.. like real loud. I felt guilty always after the shouting. I don’t know why I seem to be unable to control.

Pdoc lowered my Lamictal dosage fr 50mg to 25mg during my last visit. So I guessed it might be because of that perhaps.

Anyway, tomorrow I hope it will be a great day as I will collect my internship confirmation letter as well as go for a lunch date with a guy friend.  I like him but I am not sure if he is right for me.

Hoping that everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

messy me ~

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