Ups and downs

Final exams are so near.. I can’t believe that instead of writing on my personal journal, I’m writing this on my public blog. :S

I don’t like who I am now been struggling, and struggling, and struggling……  Life sucks. One day I’m fine and one day I’m not.  It’s not under my control, and because of that I isolate myself from other people, when in social interactions I pretend as if I’m happy, cheerful but after the chat with the people, I am back to my 😦 face again.

It seemed like it will never end, it seemed like I’m gonna need to deal with these emotions, thoughts, feelings, internal voices all my life. Why?

Thinking of the business cycle.. Peak, Downturn, Recession and Recovery.. My emotions are simply like that, minus off the peak and recovery.

I’m grateful however, that I’m going through life better compared to the dysfunctional me last year. But I can’t lift these negative emotions. I hate to get psychiatric help. But at the same time, I can’t do it alone, it’s too difficult, it’s too tough for me.

I can’t be strong.  I don’t know why but I just can’t..

I need help. I don’t want to live like this all my life.

I want some positive change.

I want to feel better, function better.

Having family session with counselor and seeing Pdoc tmr, hopefully assessment will help me and something can be done..

I’m still doing some studies for exams but constantly feeling sad, depressed, apathetic…. etc..

I hate it, it’s horrible and I want it to stop.  I’m already not taking care of hygiene (I try to) and is spiraling down in life.

Where is hope? Where is the future? Where am I?

Sadly signing off..

 

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